Five Years in Iraq

Hi everybody,

 I haven’t really had time to write anything about Iraq lately. I’ve also had trouble making my thoughts coherent. There are a lot of dimensions to this war, and I often go back and forth on them.

 So rather than scribble something that will look and sound crazy, I’ll defer to two totally different perspectives on five years gone by.

First is a piece published yesterday in the Iraqi daily al-Zamaan (الزمان) by Fatih Abdusalam.

 Second is an editorial piece published in the Wall Street Journal on March 20th.

I think each article represents the prevalent ideas of its paper’s readership, and each seem to promote the predominant view of many in their respective country’s governments.

Spitz or Swallows

          

        I love tabloids, mainly because of the picture to word ratio. And with the exception of England, New York has the best tabloid papers. Perfect reading on the subway (Tolstoy doesn’t work for me).

       So when Eliot Spitzer, New York’s crusading Democratic governor, told the world that he had used a high-end prostitute in Washington D.C., my journalistic id lit up like a roman candle.

What would the often conservative, free-market Post think of? It’s really too good to be true, and perhaps the editors and their infamous headline writers would suffer from sensory overload trying to think of a way to slander the fallen man in a way that would both shock and awe. It’s almost like asking a teenager to make fun of another teenager named Louis Gayly. It’s just too…too…on the nose, as it were.

True to form, however, the post came correct:

 

Now, I’m not nearly as creative as the people at the Post (or Variety for that matter). But I can do puns too. So early this morning, some where in between brushing my teeth and eating a bagel, EURIKA: Spitz or Swallows. Spitz, the first part of his name, plus swallows. Dirty, yes. Pun, yes.

Filled with all sorts of delectably vengeful character destroying implications…absolutely

            I congratulated myself, bowed before my cat, thanked the Academy and all of the little people who have helped me along the way, and sat down at the computer. Then I found this, a message board for NY Post readers to create their own headlines. Surly, these hacks wouldn’t come up with something as golden as Spitz or Swallows…

            So I scrolled down, past ‘EX-GOVERNWHORE’, ‘HO DOWN IN DC’, ‘The Spitz Hit the Fan’, ‘Look Who’s Cuming to Town’, and ‘ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE HO,’ before I came to Brad’s entry at 12:51pm EST: Spitz or Swallows. Nooooo!

            Oh well, in hindsight, it was too good to be true. And maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t exert so much energy into kicking a man while he’s down. After all, isn’t it a symbol of our decadent society that we watch a fire with glee…..

WAIT, WAIT. Ok, bear with me.

E.T. TO ELIOT: P-HO-ne Home. EL-IOT, P-HO-ne home.

                       

            SUCK IT BRAD!